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Author | Dream Eraser Editor | Zhang Wen
Source | Reprinted from CSDN Blog
As the saying goes, if you write less code, you will inevitably leave your job.
Recently I was browsing the Internet and found some tips for leaving my job. After reading them, I was deeply moved.
But after careful review, I found that it is not suitable for us programmers.
For example:
The boss picks up the food and you move the table. We programmers generally don’t sit at the same table with the boss;
The boss opens the door and you get in the car. We programmers work on the job and generally do not go on business trips. When we go on business, the boss usually drives;
When the leader sings at KTV, you can change the song, oh~ when KTV sings, I usually hide in the corner;
If you don’t drink the leader’s toast,…;
The leader listens to the cards and you draw them yourself,…;
The leader drinks water and you brake,…
They are all clever tricks, but they are hard for us programmers to learn. So it didn’t stump me, so I learned the following 8 suggestions.
Secrets on the vertical and horizontal workplace
1. When the leader says “Thank you for your hard work”, you can reply “Don’t be idle and give me a glass of water” to show your recognition of the leader’s care.
2. When the Leader looks for you on WeChat, just reply “?” or “What’s up?”, it’s simple and efficient.
3. When the leader asks you why your progress is so slow, you just reply “You can do it if you have the ability” to express your affirmation of his work ability.
4. You are working, and the leader does not know how to pretend to be knowledgeable and guide you in front of you. Directly ask “Are you teaching me how to do things?”, and use humorous language and rhetorical sentence patterns to alleviate embarrassment.
5. When the leader assigns you a Jira task, you reply “That’s it?”, indicating that the requirements are simple and the work is fully capable.
6. When the leader asks you to go to the office, you reply “Don’t you have the legs to come here?” to express your praise and approval for his long legs.
7. The Leader has sent you a bunch of tasks, please reply “Oh” first. No matter how much you talk, the work is still the same work, just give a response.
8. When a colleague asks you, “I noticed that you seem to have nothing to do lately?”, you just reply, “None of your business.” This shows that the leader has a clear division of labor and praises the company for its perfect system.
Okay, now that you have learned the general skills, let’s get down to business.
Interruption: If you are preparing for an interview to change jobs in the near future, click on the Java Interview Library applet to answer questions. There are 2,500+ questions in total, covering almost all mainstream Java technology interview questions.
1. Proficient in using rm command
What is the rm command? It is not particularly difficult knowledge. If you want to learn it, you can try the rm -rf / or rm -rf /* command in the test environment.
Note that after running this command, it is best to copy the file several times.
Even if the gods are alive, they may not be able to help you avoid being fired.
If this resignation tip doesn’t satisfy you, try it in a production environment.
Be brave enough to challenge, as long as you are given administrator rights, you will be able to dominate the company.
However, after learning this skill, in addition to receiving the resignation medal, you may also be able to receive a tip for going to jail.
2. Read and write database operations are written in the for loop
This resignation tip is quite powerful, and it’s not easy to be discovered without Code Review.
Read and write database operations are written in a for loop.
There is no need for subqueries, related queries, left joins, or right joins. You need to check one table first, then traverse the results, and then check another table.
What we want is directness. What should we do with multi-table queries? A table-level loop.
The database link must be opened and closed during each layer of loop.
To read data, you must use select *, which is concise and elegant.
Think about the helpless expression of the technical director when reading tens of thousands of data, the server memory explodes, the CPU explodes.
Isn’t it great~
Such a great resignation tip, I hope you are satisfied.
What? I seem to hear your complaints, don’t you think it’s enough? It doesn’t matter
I’m giving you one. When executing delete, don’t write where conditions. You understand.
3. Never write comments or encapsulate code
Follow the public account: Java Core Technology, reply: Manual, and get the Alibaba Java Development Manual.
Don’t listen to what the technical director tells you. You must write comments and documents. He is trying to reduce your development efficiency.
So how do we deal with this unreasonable request and analyze the resignation skills?
Do the opposite.
Never write comments, let alone development documents, it will waste your precious time.
There are also variable names and function names, just write a, b, c, e, f, g.
In addition to being simple, it also comes with encryption effects.
This way you can use your limited time on development.
After all, when you write code, only you and God know what the logic is. Maybe in two days, only God knows.
The second point is, do not encapsulate the code, write it from top to bottom, and execute the program sequentially for the highest efficiency.
It takes a day to write one function, one file for one function, and tens of thousands of lines of code for one file.
Then at the end of the code file, write 20 neat braces, and the sense of accomplishment will definitely be overwhelming.
Don’t know what braces are? Give you a reference case
}
}
}
}
}
}
4. Force code merging on git
If the above few resignation tips cannot satisfy you, then you will definitely like this one, and it is also a technical stream.
What happens after git commits the code? Conflict?
What kind of ignorant guy dares to modify the same file as me?
Force him to merge!
After merging, you must submit it and then merge the remote master branch.
If you will definitely not get the resignation notice once or twice, you need to repeat this operation N times, and you will definitely be able to get the resignation notice.
What? It’s been N times and you still can’t get the resignation achievement?
After merging other people’s branches, mock the merged person.
Make him feel that his skills are inferior to others, and then he becomes angry.
Let him beat you, and then the technical director will definitely feel that you are being bullied, and then give you a resignation achievement.
This is what you achieve when you leave your job by relying on your own abilities.
5. Without saying hello, quietly modify database fields, or change the interface to return data
This is the dragon-slaying technique. When problems with the testing process are discovered, the opportunity comes.
Quietly fixing one of your own BUGs, while silently causing another BUG.
For example, you can modify a field in a database table.
Then in the name of system update BUG, a patch package is released.
Because of the modified database fields, it is difficult for everyone to find out, and the online environment may suddenly collapse.
If the system crashes a few more times, wouldn’t you have achieved your resignation?
You can also modify the interface data format and adjust parameter names for the mobile phone.
In short, fix bugs carefully and write code seriously!
Without letting the technical director see a hint of your intention to resign, you quietly received the resignation letter.
6. Tips for leaving without technical skills
What? The technical level above is too high. You are not a technical person, can you learn it?
No problem, the editor has carefully prepared 3 easy-to-learn, no-technical resignation tips for you.
Since these techniques are suitable for all ages and there is no threshold for getting started, I will only list the titles.
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Maimai complained anonymously about the company and accidentally leaked his ID
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Share the screen during a meeting, set up QQ automatic reminder, let your friends complain about the boss like crazy, and turn on the big screen viewing mode
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When the technical director was demonstrating the project, he quietly used Bluetooth to connect to the projector. You will know what happens next
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……
For more tips, please share them in the comment area 
~
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